Crazy Fish Ladies

“She’s was all happy, flipping around. And now she’s all sad because she wants in. Whose desk is this?”

“Mine,” I replied, looking up from my furious typing of the conversation, surprised at the random question tacked on to the end of the remark about the fish. Apparently the tiny creature, whose name was Little Lady, had previously been swimming around its small bowl and was looking into the larger tank with hope, and “trying to make friends” with the larger fish in the tank.

“I take it you don’t study there?” Laura asked me, sitting down on Liane’s bed. Her body faced me, but her head was turned sharply to the left, watching the fish tank which took up more than half of the desk top between the two beds.

Laura is the RA from first floor Mac, a petite blonde with a lot of energy to spare. Already she’s bounced around the room several times, not seeming to want to stay in place for more than a few seconds. I feel tired just watching her move around.

“No,” I answered shortly, still trying to keep up with my typing, and with her.

“I don’t like this beta,” Laura said to Liane, who was across the room and doing something that made clunking noises. Laura was speaking loudly, as if she didn’t realize that her volume was a little over indoor acceptability. “She’s a bitch. What if my fishy’s pregnant? I want babies! What if the bitch eats them! She’s too young! Like me. I’m too young. What would you do if you were preggo right now? I would diiiiiiiie.”

Laura got up and tromped to the other side of the room, where Liane had taken Little Lady and transplanted it into a new, larger container. “Where is she?” Laura asked. “Awwwwww she’s already in there! You should put her in there,” she pointed to the big tank. “She likes her new friends! Oh, but she has a sickness. You should put her in there anyway. Oh, but you don’t want the other fishies to get sick. It’s like an STD.” She moved to the other end of the dorm room, looking in the mirror and noticing the clock. “Oh, it’s already 7:30!” she exclaimed.

“My clock is ten minutes fast,” Liane said calmly as she added Ick-Guard to the container with Little Lady in it.

“It’s already 7:30!” Laura exclaimed again as if she hadn't heard, crossing back over to Liane’s bed and sitting down again.

“It’s 7:25,” I input.

“What’s that one?” Laura asked, once again peering into the large fish tank.

“Sharkbait,” Liane replied, coming over to stand in front of her, simultaneously plugging the in filter to the tank that made it sound like we had a small waterfall in our room.

“SHARKBAIT OH HA HA!” both girls shouted at the same time. Liane sat down next to Laura and they both giggled, Liane’s Hawaiian laugh was deeper than Laura’s chuckling, even though Liane is a few inches shorter than Laura.

“So are you going to put her in?” Laura asked again about her fish.

“Later,” Liane sighed softly. “I know a person who had a dog named Little Lady,” she added, possibly trying to distract Laura.

“That’s the best name ever!” Laura shouted loudly. “They all look like they are getting beat up by the beta. Oh, it might be because there’s food. What’s that one?”

“That one’s Larry,” Liane explained, pointing at the fish. “And that one’s Moe.”

“Oh! Because – that one looks like he’s singing to us! I’m afraid that she’s gonna run into the glass,” Laura said, apparently switching back to talking about her own fish. “She’s a lucky little fish! She was gonna be another fish’s dinner!”

“Where you get her?” Liane asked curiously.

“It was a weekend program. Probably from the thing down the road. Okay, I gotta go. I wanna be here for the big transfer though! It could be emotionally traumatizing! Wait, see how that one is like ‘BLUB BLURB BLUH’?” Laura asked, imitating a fish noise.

“Like how?” Liane giggled.

Laura obliged her and made the noises again. “’BLURGH BLUR BLUB’.” Then she got mesmerized by the beta fish again. “Right. Hey, you lost your dinner, girl. It’s not there anymore!”

“You know how pitbulls are confident? She’s like that. She moves like that,” Liane explained.

“Awww. Okay, gotta go nooooooooow,” Laura sighed, getting off the bed and moving to the door.

“Bye,” Liane said.

“Bye. They all have bluepy lips,” Laura said. By now I was starting to wonder if she had ADD as she moved back and sat on the bed again. “Why are they eating their poopoo? You should get a starfish. Like um…”

“Flo,” I supplied when she couldn’t come up with the name.

“FLO! I like Flo. And the cleaner dude.”

“Jacques,” came the answer from Liane this time.

“Jacques! Okay, I’m gone,” she made to stand up again, but kicked a pile of papers on the floor. “Uh oh! I kicked somebody’s home- Much Ado About Nothing! Who’s reading that?”

“Me,” I responded.

“For Shakespeare? I was in that play! Okay, I gotta go. Oh my god! Bye!”

This time Laura actually left the room, the door crunching shut behind her.

I sat for a moment and finished typing up the conversation, then went back over it, laughing at the non-congruity, and also completely amused that there is someone who is more of a crazy fish lady than my roommate.